From my latest press release:

I, Bra Burning Corpse, being of sound mind and large body, will be recording a rock opera! As many of you who have been following my career may have noticed recently, my latest dirges have involved my life-long love of the art of sandwich-making and sandwich-consuming. This concept record will revolve around that same theme. The record's working title is Mustard on My Three Chins and here is a preview of one of its newest offerings (entitled "Angry Bees"):

Angry bees are chasing me
But I won't let them get my hoagie
Some of you fools may know them as grinders
None can deny that there's anything finer
Than going down deeper than a submarine
Eating a sub like a sub-eating machine!
So, mom, why you gotta be so mean?
Hook me up with that hoagie/grinder/submarine!

Angry bees, angry bees
Love reign o'er me

More new song lyrics:

The Sad Professor Another song I wrote today Sat Feb 17 20:42:04 2001

This one sounds like Kid A being sodomized by a broken bottle-wielding Elvis Costello.

See that jar of pickles over there?
Not for long cos in fifteen minutes all those pickles will be gone
And I'll be sweatin' here in my underwear

I'm like the Hamburgler on the run
My appetite's bigger than the sun
I'm a hot dog with sticky buns

I strike like a cobra when a Twinkie is near
And every cupcake I instill with fear
Open up a box of chocolates and watch 'em disappear

S'mores
Chips Ahoy!
S'mores
Chips Ahoy!
All mine, oh boy!

The Sad Professor New song I wrote and recorded today Mon Feb 19 17:57:37 2001

Okay, this one's real good -- sort of like The Fall falling on top of Thom Yorke's dick and being impregnated by the elfin one. It's called "Mom, Buy Me a Sandwich."

I got me a woman and her name is Mom
And my most favorite singer is an elf named Thom
After a hard day of posting out all of my thoughts
I gots me a hunger, yeah, that's what I gots!

Don't you know I gotta scratch that itch?
Mom, why won't you buy me a sandwich?

I'm out here in cyberspace just trying to find myself a date
And when I die they'll have to bury me in a piano crate
But, my oh my, a sandwich right now would be just great!
So why do you hesitate...?

My hunger's like a light with no "off" switch!
Mom, why don't you go buy me a sandwich?

I'm up in the attic and it sure is hot
R2D2 was one great robot
No more hidden Twinkies in the bedroom, chief!
So what's this boy to do for a little relief?!

At this point I'd even sell my soul to a witch!
Mom, don't make me do it -- just buy me a sandwich!*

*How's that for a rhyme? "Witch" and "wich."

The Sad Professor How inspired! Mon Feb 19 22:18:33 2001

A song has been inspired in this old war-horse! Let's just say that it sounds like Radiohead clubbing a baby seal to death, okay?

It's called "Falling Like a Domino into a House Afire with Desire."

They call me Cool Hand
Cos I eat fifty eggs on demand
And sandwiches too
If my mother does approve
I put the "fat" in "big fat pig"
And for a little food I'd even dance a jig!
That's a fact, Jack, so don't you talk back
And gimme that cream pie offa that rack!
Just be sure to watch your hands
Cos I eat all I can
Even fifty eggs on demand
Just like Cool Hand

The Sad Professor Lyrics to one of the 6 songs I wrote today Sat Feb 17 12:49:02 2001

"The Food Chain"

I'm being dragged by a chain of food
(Into the fridge, into the fridge)
All those Zingers didn't do any good
(no damn good, no damn good)
Can nothing kill my appetite?!
(Tub of Cool Whip Lite, Cool Whip Lite)
But without all that ice cream, it just ain't right
(Just ain't right, just ain't right)

Ridin' a horse into the sunset
How much more hungry can one man get?!
I don't know if it could get any worse
I'm so hungry I could eat a...






























































































horse.