Sneedy:
I've met 3 magicians, Stills and Nash (or CS&N - C), 2 Denver Broncos, Merle Haggard, a governor of Texas when I was toddler. No real celebrities, obviously. In a scenario not unlike those featured in such films as Breaker, Breaker, or Nothing But Trouble, we have a special speed trap outside town designated to capture celebrities and bring them into our vodka-swilling judge.

As some of you may recall, I almost had the chance to meet Garth Brooks, but he was in the middle of some divorce so I think we both dodged a bullet there. I was kinda looking forward to throwing a few punches to see if and where they'd land, and see how many people are really on his pyrotechnics team.

I've got a list on my computer of celebrity women I'd like to do the horizontal tango with, so I am looking forward to meeting any of them. In the meantime, I cross my fingers, take a lot of vitamins(they make you strong).

Marie:
i just saw jonathan donahue and the rest of mercury rev, he is such a sweetie. other than this, i've only ever met crap celebrities. i think i saw jimmy saville in the train station on saturday; are you aware of him? he's a very old and strange tv presenter, has bleach blonded hair and wears shellsuits and lots of gold jewellery. i saw him on tv a while back being interviewed and apparently he keeps his deceased mothers house exactly as it was the day she died. even though its been years, he has her clothes dry cleaned and the house cleaned so its as if she still lives there. spooky. anyway, i didn't exactly meet him. i was on a train and he was sat on a chair on the platform.

at one point, i was concerned that i was being stalked by norman from teenage fanclub. i went to a number of gigs and he would always be there. not only there, but right behind me. then, in a club, i was relaying this story to a friend, when he noticed that norman was behind me. norman was my shadow, but he's gone now. don't worry, deep down i know that it was just coincidence, it's no fun when you tell the story that way.

i also met big faced phil out of teeny bopper pop group 'Big Fun'. i was at a 'hitman and her' roadshow (in my youth. i was hoping that rick astley might be there..) Anyway, there was a queue and, not having much else to do i joined it. I got to the front and was confronted with big faced phil and just ran off. I had a similar experience with gary from crap band Reef. Out of sheer nosiness i was investigating what the crowd was about and it seemed that he was the epicentre. he reached out for the bit of paper that he thought i had for him to sign and i just laughed, perhaps a bit too blatantly than was necessary. oh well..

I think i might have lived next door to Lancashire comedian 'Johnny Vegas' when i was 8. Kind of a celebrity sighting, if it is indeed true. Anyway. sorry if you read that and wish you hadn't bothered. i'm suffering from a tired/drunken combo..

Kerri:
Let's see...I've met:

Norm MacDonald
Judy Tenuta
Tommy Chong
Lewis Black
A. Whitney Brown
Marc Price (skippy from family ties)
Gabriel Byrne
Julia Ormond
all the guys in Pavement
jonathan donahue from mercury rev
the guys from rock-a-teens

oh, and of course meg and jack from white stripes. yippee.

and some other people i'm not sure you would have heard of (comedians)

but i really don't like meeting people like that anymore. it always feels kind of awkward and weird because they are just strangers. it was much better meeting them in a work environment instead of meeting them at a show or something. seeing people randomly on the street is fun, but it doesn't happen too often in ann arbor.

Joseph:
During the summer of our Lord, I worked at the Chicago Art Institute for five miserable days. On the fourth day, there was a rumbling in the gift shop (where I toiled thanklessly): Dr. Ruth (the Dr. Ruth!) had been spotted in the museum! My dick instantly got hard with anticipation! An hour or so later I was standing at the register all by myself (I have no idea where my co-workers had gone, the lousy bums) when I heard a voice call out from beneath the counter, "Hello, I'm Dr. Ruth!" I looked down and there she was in all her elfin glory -- the counter was literally two times taller than she was! Dr. Ruth is one of those pseudo-celebrities who clearly loves to be noticed in public and I think she had wanted me to get all excited about having her there in front of me like that (as if I'd blurt out, "OH MY GOD! I loved you in that shampoo commercial I saw you in!") She tried to chat me up and then left after a minute -- part of me still wishes I had stolen the credit card receipt she had signed as proof that I did meet her cos there was no one else around at the time that could now verify that my story is true and that I didn't just hallucinate the entire encounter...

During that same fateful summer in Chicago, I spotted Single Guy "star" Joey Slotnick riding the l train one afternoon. I am ashamed to report that I walked right by him and started laughing (sorry about that, chief). The next summer I was sitting in a diner and who should walk by but none other than The Single Guy himself! This time, though, the tables turned and I think he recognized me as I caught him staring over his shoulder back into the diner window where I was sitting as he walked away. Oh, Joey, maybe one day we'll meet yet again and be single men no longer...

Tom:
On Monday, we had a meeting at the Troy Marriott in Troy, Michigan. As we're waiting for the guy we were meeting with to show up, Bill happened to notice this big crew-cutted dude at the check-in desk. Bill remarked, "Hey isn't that the guy from Fox Sports?" I looked over to where his gaze lie, and to my astonishment, there stood none other than the bespeckled Howie "Radio Shack" Long a mere 47 feet from me. Howie was all decked out in a pair of sweatpants and a long sleeve polo shirt, but I assure you of one thing: he looks as cute in real life as he does on TV. He had three bellhop-issue push carts at the ready, each containing, curiously, not more than a suitcase and a bag. I guess every bellhop that could wanted to push something of Howie Long's.

Turns out there was some sort of Detroit Lions charity benefit dinner in the hotel that evening—we saw signs to that indication on the way out.

I still feel all tingly thinking about it now.

Paul:
I was 16, walking down the street in NYC. A very strange looking, lanky, red-haired guy was coming down the sidewalk. He appeared to be carrying some sort of musical instrument case. As he got nearer, two black guys in front of me started gesturing and making comments indicating that they recognized him "from the TV." It was at this point that I realized that this was International Rock Icon Joe "Is She Really Goin' Out With Him" Jackson! Hey! I had all of his records! I could have a conversation with this guy. It was not to be. The only information I was able to pry from Mr. Jackson was that he was "just walkin' around." What an asshole. He just moved on down the street without making eye contact, shaking hands or nothin'. I never bought another Joe Jackson record.

Next episode: SMOKIN' DOPE WITH THE P-FUNK ALL-STARS.

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