Okay, this one's for the ladies... Ladies: don't you just hate how guys always leave the toilet seat up? I mean, really. But you know how else men and women are different? Men love going out into the garage with their power tools and working on their little projects...with their power tools and such. Speaking of men and women, ever notice how long it takes a woman to get ready in the bathroom? What's going on in there? Or how women always go to public restrooms in a group.
You know, I can't help it that I think like this -- I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My family was so weird, we made the Addams Family look like the Munsters. But, seriously, maybe we weren't that different after all. I mean, didn't everyone get beaten with a big black rubber dildo for letting the paperboy out of the basement? Am I right?
Boy, the motel I'm staying at is really sleazy. It's so sleazy, instead of leaving a bible in your room, the Gideons leave an aborted baby. Now, don't get me wrong, I love children. In fact, I love 'em so much, the Cook County Sheriff's Department had an electronic bracelet attached to my left ankle so they could monitor my every movement to insure that I don't love them too dearly. Good grief, you sodomize a child with a length of lead pipe one time behind the Morrison's Cafeteria and people act like you set the world on fire.
Alright, that's all the time I got. Thanks, you've been a wonderful audience. And remember: recycle as frequently as possible -- those bundled up newspapers really start to pile up after a while.
"Ladies and germs, give it up for Joey Larkin. He'll be appearing at Funnybones in San Antonio on the 21st and at TGIFunny's in Alberquerquie on the 23rd."