09/06/09 at 06:58 P.M. Central Time
Fixed even more typos, grammatical cock-ups and bungled formatting. Added brand new revision of The Monkey's Banana, complete with previously unpublished material—hot shit, Dave! Give it a whirl, you may like it (unlikely). Also added a shit-ton of links to the zine page, including a newly revised version of the second issue of Van Halen's Cancer, this time presented in Word so you can correct the grammar and spelling errors for me! (Thanks in advance.) Updated updates page. I WILL MAKE YOU HURT.

03/05/08 at 02:05 P.M. Central Time
Fixed a colossal number of typos and other grammatical fuck-ups. Also added a shit-ton of links to the zine page. Updated updates page. Prayed for death, but it never came... Why do you make me wait, ghastly one?!

08/30/07 at 06:52 P.M. Central European Time
Gave the old index page an extreme makeover. Updated updates page. Considered going on a shooting spree but took a nap instead.

05/24/07 at 01:56 A.M. Central Time
Not that the world was clamoring for it or nothing, but there is now a second issue of Van Halen's Cancer in existence. Go download it from the zine page! Or don't. See if I give a fuck.

05/16/07 at 07:30 P.M. Central Time
Added yet another new version of Van Halen's Cancer #1 to zine page. Updated updates page. Masturbated glumly.

10/08/06 at 10:53 P.M. Central Time
In case you hadn't noticed, the zine page is regularly updated with new links. Exciting shit, huh?

06/08/06 at 12:46 P.M. Central Time
Joseph has graduated to straight pornography. See zine page for more details. ¡¡¡MAS TEQUILA!!!

05/08/06 at 02:01 P.M. Central Time
What's this? An update? No fuckin' way! Way. Hoping to secure his spot in hell, Joseph has recently started writing reviews of gay porn sites for twenty-five dollars a pop (no pun intended). I shit you not. The reviews can be read by visiting the zine page. Also, be sure to hit me up on MySpace.

01/20/06 at 01:18 P.M. Central Time
Made a number of small changes to the website—can you spot 'em...? Added new version of Van Halen's Cancer #1 to zine page. Updated updates page. Saw Craig's car parked in front of Karen's place all weekend. I felt just like an ant as I rode around the block. If I cannot have Karen, no one will!

12/27/05 at 08:33 P.M. Central Time
Gave the website a makeover! Hurrah! Deleted a bunch of lousy shit. Yay! Updated updates page. Yes! Drove by Karen's place five times—Craig was there each time, the lucky fucker. Boo! Listened to No Jacket Required on repeat for seven hours straight. Guh.